*********** Scribonia sits a her desktop com console in her room. She looks somewhat worried, and is punching some keys, working on a background task when the com officer's voice comes through the console. Ensign G'O Forever: Ok, Commander. I've got a channel though to HVR space. Scribonia:Thanks Ensign. You just earned your pay for the week. (mashes a button.) This is Commander Scribonia of the USS Heisenberg. To whom am I speaking? (From the screen:) Wha Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw! Well if it isn't the lovely FIRST MATE of the Heisenberg! Looking for a real man at last, are you? Well I'm ready for you baby, come on down and bring your lovely Captain too! Scribonia: Bloocheez! What an unusual coincidence to get you of all scum to answer this transmission. Perhaps you're missing something? Or someone? Bloocheez: Lost something? Hey if I loose my damn hat what makes you think I'd tell you about it? Why, a nice new 20 gallon Stetson too! What business is it of yours anyhow, woman? Scribonia: Well, I just thought you might like to know one of our freighters destroyed a Hidden Valley warbird, and guess who we found inside? (fiendish grin) Bloocheez: (slapping his hand to his face): Oh Jeez. He must have headed straight for Federation space. Did he get ANY shots in? Scribonia: (gleefully) He MISSED! So, I have a little trade to make with you. We will be keeping Lite in custody at our starbase LMC1. However, we are willing to let you come and get him back, under escort, if you swear to leave Captain Kabeta alone from now on. Bloocheez: HAW! You must be addled, woman! What in tarnation makes you think I would ever go tippy-toeing into Federation space for that kid when he just blew up an entire battle-cruiser! If anybody ever even found out I'd be hog-tied and dragged through a briar bush so big...well, you can just keep him; I'm too busy conquering the universe to keep fixing all the damage he does anyhow. HAW! You want a deal little lady, you just send that bucking-bronk Captain down to my place for a little date, and I'll send you leash for that boy so he doesn't wreck your nice clean Star-base too bad! Scribonia: But...but...he's your nephew! Don't you have any feelings about him? Bloocheez: FEELINGS? HAW! Try again! How about you give me a nice new ship, maybe the Heisenberg -- now that would help my poor hurtin' feelings-- and Miss Kabeta as my personal Ensign! Scribonia: It is your family duty to take your nephew back! You must come and get him for the honor of the Hidden Valley Ranchers! You wouldn't want to leave a Rancher as a hostage to the Federation, would you? Bloocheez: Sheee-it, woman! He's doing me more good over there than he'd be anywhere else. Maybe he might even teach your Federation kids a thing or too! (grins) Scribonia: (looking up thoughtfully) Hmmm. He is school age, isn't he? Well, I guess if he's going to stay at the starbase he'll have to go in the elementary school there. Let's see, he's about 6, that would put him in the 1st grade. Gee, that's the year the kids start their courses in "Male Sensitivity." Bloocheez: (paling) You're kidding. Scribonia: (sweetly) Oh yeah? Later on he goes into Home Ec, where he learns how to cook and keep house. Bloocheez: Why you...Psychological torture is against intergalactic law you whore! Scribonia: I think with a little help, he can be a model Federation citizen. Why... Bloocheez: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! You stay right there, dammit! We can deal later. ***********
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