| Haiku Movie Reviews | By Ginohn |
| Movies reviewed in 2007 |
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| CYPHER
:| A simple Cypher, based on substitution and a McGuffin key. |
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| THE
ISLAND :) Nice little island, as long as you can ignore the James Bond physics. |
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| THE
GOLDEN COMPASS :) "Boycott this film," urges The Catholic League— which is ironic. |
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| ENCHANTED :) Kind of a backwards Pleasantville, with more color and a dumb climax. |
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| BEOWULF
:| King Hrothgar's Whoville (in an uncanny valley) battles nudity. |
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| PURPLE
RAIN :( Back in the eighties we would watch garbage like this. And then we grew up. |
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| HOUSE
OF GAMES :( A con man pretends to be a great director and fools the whole cast. |
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| BLADE
RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT %} The last replicant of its kind: meaner, darker, but still beautiful. |
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| LAWRENCE OF ARABIA :) Filmed in amazing Man-O-Vision, where women have no spoken parts. |
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| BLADES
OF GLORY :) Ice skaters enjoy laughing at themselves, unlike devils with Prada. |
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| HAPPINESS :) Most misanthropic, creepiest film ever made. Not for the squeamish. |
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| BUBBA
HO-TEP :) In-Ted of Ho -Tep Bubba should -Tick with Half -Tep. (The movie's too long.) |
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| THE
SCIENCE OF SLEEP :) Comedy, drama, or dark psychotic horror? Dreams have all of these. |
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| THE
DEVIL WEARS PRADA :( The Devil wants us to respect the fashion biz. That's a tall order. |
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| IN
THE SHADOW OF THE MOON %} Ancient astronauts talk about an almost lost piece of history. |
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| THE SIMPSONS MOVIE :) A long episode, alluding to Katrina. I've seen funnier. |
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| THE
BOURNE ULTIMATUM :| Same overall plot, same chases, same fights, same Bourne, same ultimatum. |
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| THE
GOLDEN DOOR :) If the Marx Brothers made a serious movie this might be the one. |
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| BRIDGE TO TARABITHIA :) No huge effects, but it's best such things are left to Imagination. |
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| SHORTBUS :) For an x-rated yet non-pornographic film, it's pretty kinky. |
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| FLIRTING :) With all the caning, loneliness, fights and insults, I'd call it "Hurting." |
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| SICKO
%} The strongest critics will simply ad hominem and refuse treatment. |
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| EVENING
:) "There are no mistakes," they say, but try telling that to those who make them. |
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| NIGHT
AT THE MUSEUM :| Sure, it's a kids' film, but even children expect films to make some sense. |
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| SHUT
UP AND SING :) We don't want this war, this violence... we’re ashamed that Bush is from Texas. |
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| WAITRESS :| The sweet filling was nice at first, but before long I had too much pie. |
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| KNOCKED
UP :) An instructional guide for couples planning to have unplanned pregnancies. |
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| DEMOLITION MAN :( Maybe we're taking apocalypse comedy too seriously. |
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| WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR? :) A multiple choice question. The answer is G: "all of the above." |
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| AVENUE MONTAIGNE :) And here, all this time, I was lead to believe that Parisians aren't nice. |
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| THE
LIVES OF OTHERS :) 1984. It really happened, but worse— could happen again. |
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| NACHO
LIBRE :| At least the wrestling was better than that World Wide Federation stuff. |
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| THE
PILLOW BOOK :) I think I've become a calligraphiliac. Help me, someone, please. |
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| HOT
FUZZ :) A cop spoof/tribute that's better than most of its intended targets. |
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| STRANGER THAN FICTION :) Who will save Harold Crick from death, and Ana Pascal from taxes? Just watch! |
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| AN
AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON %} The alpha wolf of tragicomedy horrors. Amazing dream scenes! |
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| SCENT
OF A WOMAN :) A feel-good movie for that dirty old blind man inside all of us. |
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| PERFORMANCE %} A brutal, tender, weird, prophetic fantasy for our modern world. |
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| TENACIOUS D IN 'THE PICK OF DESTINY'
:) A collapsed prequel to the greatest rock story ever told, bar none. |
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| JACKASS 2 :| It seems Jackass One didn't feature quite enough damaged private parts. |
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| THE
U.S. VS. JOHN LENNON :) This film's style is too "VH-1 behind the scenes" for such a great man. |
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| THE
NUMBER 23 :) Eerily follows the director's obsession with a blue filter. |
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| THE
PAINTED VEIL :) Boy loves girl, girl hates parents, marries boy, and cheats. Boy loves cholera. |
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| MCLIBEL
:) The longest libel suit in British history. And we won! (Sort of) |
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| IDIOCRACY :) Idiots can make a time machine, monster trucks, and electrolytes! |
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| THE MUPPETS' WIZARD OF OZ :) It wasn't a dream - Toto the pet prawn, the rats, the scarefrog, Kansas... |
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| NOTES
ON A SCANDAL :) A fairly normal everyday kind of scandal, as these dramas go. |
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| PAN'S
LABYRINTH :| Artistic genius is sometimes overwhelmed by gross stupidity. |
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| THE OPPOSITE OF SEX :) Quirky narration by a most [un]likable [pro]antagonist. |
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| THE
GREAT WHITE :) Kind of like Fargo, but slightly less disgusting and much more kooky. |
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| THE GOOD SHEPHERD :) One man's history of spies. (Or so the Russians would have us believe.) |
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| CHILDREN OF MEN :) A dark metaphor of the apocalypse called human existence. |
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| BEERFEST :) Tastes great, less killing - Broken Lizard's redemption from the Club Dread flop. |
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| CECIL B DEMENTED :| Ironically, if Hollywood made this film it would be funny. |
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| THE
GOOD GERMAN :) If by "good" you mean "good at building large rockets," we have enough, thanks. |