Haiku Movie Reviews By Ginohn
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Movies reviewed in 2004

:( Disliked it.
:| Okay.
 :) Liked it.
%} Loved it!
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU  :)
All the characters
in this film weren't quite as good
as David Bowie.
THE FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX  :)
James Stewart plays his
most ignoble role ever:
embittered pilot.
THE DUELLISTS  %}
Find out how absurd
Duty, Honor, and Country
can really become.
THE KING OF COMEDY  %}
Robert DeNiro
stalks Jerry Lewis, for fame!
— Fun, scary, bizarre.
SIDEWAYS  :)
Wine, women, and wrong—
these three things garnish our way.
but the film's too long.
TOUCHING THE VOID  :)
An exhausting film
with beautiful scenery
and horrible pain.
FINDING NEVERLAND  :|
I was distracted
by Johnny Depp's eyeliner,
and the lame "kite" prop.
THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES  :)
Like a Commando
with one working cylinder,
it's still a great ride!
THE INCREDIBLES  %}
More believable,
funny, and exciting than
any James Bond flick.
ARMY OF DARKNESS  :)
A horror movie
featuring the skeletons
of The Three Stooges.
FOLLOWING  :|
Switching the scenes is
marvelous for Memento,
but not for this film.
I ♥ HUCKABEES  %}
What if the whole world
were made of philosophers
and psychiatrists?
AMATEUR  :|
Like a floppy disc,
it looks square on the outside.
Inside, it's floppy.
STRICTLY BALLROOM  :)
A typical plot
filmed in Insane-O-Vision.
(Somehow this works well.)
VANITY FAIR  :)
As in Chicago,
we must pretend the actress
isn't that pregnant.
SHREK 2  :)
This time they got it
right. The bad guys aren't short, they're
incorporated.
HIDALGO  :)
A very tall tale,
to be sure. But still, touching,
with lively action.
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN  :|
In a world where
absolutely nothing makes
sense, who cares who wins?
XANADU  :)
I really don't want
to admit how much I liked
this hokey movie.
THE BOURNE SUPREMACY  :|
Fights, car chases, deaths,
and conversations, all filmed
in Shaky Vision.
GARDEN STATE  %}
An unusual
romance, in that you never
know what happens next.
DE-LOVELY  :)
Musical portrait
by, about, and for [Kevin Kline,
who plays] Cole Porter.
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE [2004]  :)
Everybody knows
Halliburton's Candidate
is the real title.
SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL  :)
A poignant story,
set in Hollywood-Eighties-
high-school-la-la-land.
THE TERMINAL  :|
Spielberg's losing it.
He gives us History, Truth,
and... Krakozhia?
NAPOLEON DYNAMITE  %}
For those of you who
had the Vague Plague in high school—
this is your movie.
TRUST  :|
Blurb on the back says
that it's "Perversely Funny!"
They mean "Peculiar."
ANCHORMAN  :)
The film's script writer
had an IQ of  40.
But I think that helped.
SPIDER-MAN 2  :|
Doc Ock, mad genius,
can't see why webbing doesn't
shoot out Spidey's butt.
FAHRENHEIT 9/11  %}
Moore shows how the Haves
and the Have Mores make a lot
from having more wars.
SIMPLE MEN  :|
Blurb on the back says,
"Very Funny... A Winner."
They mean "Peculiar."
SAVED!  :|
Not as cynical
as we'd hoped. Glosses over
Christian insanity.
THE LADYKILLERS  :)
In this film, Slapstick
becomes a dark, demonic,
funny entity.
THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW  :?
I'd like to discuss
the science in this film, but
NASA won't let me.
MY ARCHITECT: A SON'S JOURNEY  :|
Some touching moments,
nicely captured expressions,
but not too much else.
APERTURE :)
A 48 hour
project, with too much time spent
in an old warehouse.
MEAN GIRLS  :)
It's full of mean girls,
high school primate jungle scenes,
and blind bus drivers.
CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS  %}
While watching, please don't
get arrested for your sick
home movie fetish.
SUPER SIZE ME  :)
A guy eats too much,
shuns exercise, and turns his
liver into mush.
MONSIEUR IBRAHIM ET LES FLEURS DU CORAN  :)
Too many questions
about missing relatives.
Still, a good, sweet film.
THE FOG OF WAR: ELEVEN LESSONS FROM THE LIFE OF ROBERT S. MCNAMARA :)
What would happen if
McNamara had a war
with, um... Philip Glass?
FREE ENTERPRISE  :|
Good, funny actors,
interesting dialog—
signifying zip.
THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE  :)
French adventure with
very little dialog.
(There should have been less.)
JOHNNY ENGLISH  :|
A spy comedy
not as good as Black Adder
but better than Bean.
THE STATION AGENT  :)
A poignant story
of the eccentricities
of friendships — and trains.
10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU :|
Nothing new, really —
same old messed up high school kids
with fashion statements.
DOWN WITH LOVE  :)
A unique tribute
to 60's romantic romps.
Cute, sexy, and weird.
THE BIG EMPTY  :|
A nice big setup,
big interesting people,
but big empty plot.
SOLARIS :)
Some films don't bug me
when they don't follow the books:
Blade Runner and this.
THE GIRL NEXT DOOR  :|
It's Risky Business
with less sex and more violence.
(Wrong direction, guys.)
LOST IN SPACE  :(
The Robinsons find
a CGI space monkey.
I hope they stay lost.
CONCERT FOR GEORGE  %}
George Harrison's friends
show how his songs and kindness
reach out to us all.
HELLBOY  :|
Baby Hellboy looks
like that monkey I saw in
Lost In Space. Too bad.
THE GAMERS  :)
Embarrassing and
entertaining. Reminds me
of the good old days...
SECRET WINDOW  :|
Shh! Steven King feels
guilty for plagiarizing
from himself again.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND  %}
A romantic fugue —
Kaufman reveals our lives with
magic realism.
50 FIRST DATES  :)
Full of saps and kooks,
an inside-out Groundhog Day
that somehow succeeds.
STARSKY & HUTCH  :)
Hi. we're not really
TV cops, we just play them
on the movie screen.
AMERICAN SPLENDOR  :)
A surreal epic
of everyday drudgery,
in three parts Harvey.
28 DAYS LATER  :|
People infected
with stroboscopic effects
give me the jitters.
SCHOOL OF ROCK  :)
Jack Black manages
to stagedive his way into
a children's rock film.
THE MEANING OF LIFE  :)
What's life all about?
Well, tonight Monty Python
will sort it all out.
CLUB DREAD  :|
It's good, but sub par.
Broken Lizard is broken.
They can do better.
COLD MOUNTAIN  :|
Nope, even during
the Civil War, most people
weren't so damn stupid.
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST  :(
We just couldn't watch,
but our friend suffered for us.
"It was god awful."
ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST  :(
Spaghetti Western,
all you can eat — extra sauce,
really long noodles.
AUTOFOCUS  :|
The interesting,
but badly realized story
of Hogan's Harrows
IN AMERICA  :)
Innocence grapples
with grief, mortality,
and superstition.
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT  %}
Dude, where's my timeline?
A creepy modern gothic
that frat boys won't like.
LET AMERICA LAUGH  :)
Follow David Cross
as he tours through heckler hell.
A docu-trauma.
STUCK ON YOU  :)
Previews emphasize
discord with conjoined brothers,
but they're a fine fit.
COWBOY BEBOP: TENGOKU NO TOBIRA  :)
Nano-terrorists
versus punk bounty hunters
on terraformed Mars!
JACKASS: THE MOVIE  :)
Gross. Stupid. Wrong. Fun.
Demonstrates that the basis
of humor is pain.
BIG FISH  :)
Another fine film
that shows the benefits of
Munchausen Syndrome.
SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE  :|
Keaton makes faces,
Nicholson's himself again,
and Reeves still can't act.
THE VIRGIN SUICIDES  :)
brought back memories
of the 70's -- funny,
awkward memories.
SOME LIKE IT HOT  :)
We laugh and ignore
the facts: those guys look like guys
and Sugar's pregnant.
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING  :)
CGI creatures
were nice, but the film left me
lost in translation.
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