| Haiku Movie Reviews | By Ginohn |
| Movies reviewed in 2003 |
|
||||
| 21 GRAMS :| Life sucks, then you die. Next, remove 21 grams. Mix badly. Serve raw. |
|||||
| CAST AWAY :) I am not crazy I have a very good friend His name is Wilson |
|||||
| ELF :) For Will Farrell fans, a funny romp through New York. And some Christmas stuff. |
|||||
| LOVE
ACTUALLY :) For feel-good film buffs, some funny romps in London. And some Christmas stuff. |
|||||
| BAD
SANTA :) He's a twisted one, this drunken Grinch, a twisted wreck with a message. |
|||||
| MASTER
AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE
OF THE WORLD :) Simple plot -- two ships; big battles; finding new life -- like The Wrath of Khan. |
|||||
| CUTTHROAT
ISLAND :| Ooh, look, there's Geena swinging aboard by one hand! I can see the harness! |
|||||
| BLUE CRUSH :) Predictable plot, but it's a surfer girl flick and it doesn't suck. |
|||||
| MYSTIC
RIVER :| "Coincidence like ancient egg - leave unpleasant odor." -- Charlie Chan |
|||||
| COMEDIAN :) Yeah, I admit it, I like Jerry Seinfeld now. He gets stagefright too! |
|||||
| SCARY MOVIE 3
:) A three Ring circus using crappy films as Signs of inspiration. |
|||||
| WINGED
MIGRATION :| Take one narrator with nothing to say, fifteen filming crews, add birds... |
|||||
| KILL BILL VOL.
1 :( A faux anime rendered with rended people and painted in blood. |
|||||
| A MIGHTY
WIND :) Though very funny, quite possibly the saddest comedy I've seen. |
|||||
| RUN RONNIE
RUN :) Methadone is to Heroin as Ronnie Dobbs is to Mr. Show. |
|||||
| MATCHSTICK
MEN :) Interesting twist -- character analysis through con-artistry. |
|||||
| LOST IN
TRANSLATION :) Subtle, humorous, captivating and poignant, with all the right words. |
|||||
| DIRTY
PRETTY THINGS :) A grim, tense story of illegal immigrants searching for their hearts. |
|||||
| RAISING
VICTOR VARGAS :) An uneasy film (almost documentary) of adolescence. |
|||||
| SPIRITED AWAY :| Kind of like some dreams -- weird scenes, sketchy dialog, and a childish plot. |
|||||
| STEP INTO LIQUID :) Catch the waves, hang five, but ignore the narrator -- he gets in the way. |
|||||
| LE DIVORCE :| A film by, about, and for rich folks. So I have little sympathy. |
|||||
| THE BROTHER
FROM ANOTHER PLANET %}
Low budget classic with talented aliens, better than E.T. |
|||||
| PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL :) Without Johnny Depp, only an undead monkey could save this movie. |
|||||
| ENIGMA :|
It's an enigma why they would Titanicize such good history. |
|||||
| SIGNS :( Aliens invade but Mel Gibson repels them with his life story. |
|||||
| WHALE RIDER %} Unbelievable and predictable, yet told so beautifully |
|||||
| L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE :) Subtitled for your convenience unless you know five more languages. |
|||||
| TERMINATOR
3: RISE OF THE MACHINES :) Hmm, all these timelines keep making machines that sound like Schwarzenegger... |
|||||
| STAR WARS ATTACK OF THE CLONES :( How long will it take for Star Wars fans to realize that the Dark Side won? |
|||||
| SPELLBOUND %} This movie will keep you riveted, wondering how to spell bigg werds. |
|||||
| CREMASTER 1 & 2 [& PROBABLY 3,4,5] :( Vain, painfully slow artsy fartsy films with less art and lots of fart. |
|||||
| BRUCE ALMIGHTY :| Omnipotent laughs served with bland theology. Bruce "Alrighty, then." |
|||||
| GIGANTIC: A TALE OF TWO JOHNS %} in the giant steps of Spinal Tap, Hard Day's Night, and Stop Making Sense. |
|||||
| DESPERATION BLVD. :( Without the dragged out too-serious storyline, this might be funny. |
|||||
| IDENTITY :| Would have made a good old Twilight Zone episode, shortened with less gore. |
|||||
| BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM :) Besides jittery stroboscopic action scenes, it's very "feel good". |
|||||
| X2: X-MEN UNITED :) Good comic book fun! See the first one, though, you might want a plot recap. |
|||||
| HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH %} I want a body like Hedwig's body, without the angry inch, though. |
|||||
| THEY LIVE :) OBEY
|
|||||
| THE FAST RUNNER :) An Arctic drama with scenes more acurate than documentaries. |
|||||
| POW WOW HIGHWAY :) A hollywoodized metaphor for the modern Indian condition. |
|||||
| RIVERWORLD :| Good books brought to life as a bland pilot. At least it's not Waterworld. |
|||||
| ORGAZMO :| Weird Al Yankovic says it is "some of their best pre-BASEketball work." |
|||||
| SHANGHAI KNIGHTS :| Chinese treasure - check. Fights - check. Gags - check. Slapstick - check. No more sequels, right? |
|||||
| ABOUT A BOY :) Mistakenly billed as "romantic comedy." I'm glad it wasn't. |
|||||
| DONNIE DARKO :) Fun close encounters with teenage paranormal schizophrenic angst. |
|||||
| WAKING LIFE :)
That movie Slacker is much more interesting when animated! |
|||||
| OLD SCHOOL :|
Old college frat theme, old and stale, very much like college frats themselves. |
|||||
| Y TU MAMÁ TAMBIÉN :) The strange harmonies of oppressive politics and teenage sex games. |
|||||
| KAMA SUTRA: A TALE OF LOVE :| Billed as "erotic" but perhaps it's no more than sexual flimflam. |
|||||
| CHICAGO :)
What could possibly spice up a chicks-in-jail flick? Song and dance, of course! |
|||||
| ABOUT SCHMIDT :)
Childreach's ad during the previews made the film seem like a commercial. |
|||||
| LANTANA :|
Psychodrama? -- No... Thriller? Mystery? -- Not quite. Australian chick flick? |
|||||
| CATCH ME IF YOU CAN :) Inspired by stories from a famous con artist. (Translation: made up.) |
|||||
| THE PIANIST %}
A fascinating, painful, and poigniant story that kicks Schindler's List. |
|||||
| ADAPTATION %}
Charlie Kaufman is pathetically beautiful. Poetry on film! |
|||||
| THE LORD OF THE RINGS THE TWO TOWERS :) ... And the Oscar for best supporting actor goes to Gollum's wranglers. |
|||||
| GANGS OF NEW YORK :) Take Moulin Rouge and give everyone weapons and a civil war. |
|||||
| STAR TREK NEMESIS
:| Only resemblance between Picard and Shinzon is that they're both bald. |