Haiku Movie Reviews By Ginohn

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Movies reviewed in 2002
:( Didn't like it.
:| Okay.
 :)Liked it.
%} Loved it!
ITALIAN FOR BEGINNERS  :)
This is a sweet film
about how to work kindness
around life and death.
PUNCH DRUNK LOVE  :)
It puts the manic
in romantic, otherwise
it would just be rot.
FRIDA  :)
She who plays Frida
looks like my friend Luisa
(except the eyebrow).
DIE ANOTHER DAY  :|
It's Austin Powers 
made on a bigger budget, 
but without the laughs.
FAR FROM HEAVEN  :)
Leave it to Beaver
loses all its innocence
when shown in color.
DOG PARK  :|
Made for TV from
a series of one-liners.
Decent soundtrack, though.
BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE  :)
Poses this question:
Why don't more Americans
move to Canada?
8 WOMEN  :)
Hey, what if Hitchcock
made a mystery in French,
as a musical?
GO :)
A triptych lesson --
how to mishandle drugs, guns, 
and automobiles.
IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD (1963)  :|
It's a long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long, long, long 
slapstick comedy.
IGBY GOES DOWN  :)
Another sad tale
of a rich boy getting sex
from older women.
TADPOLE  :|
In this episode 
of Three's Company, Jack's son
hits on his step mom!
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST  :)
What would it be like 
if you could watch two Woosters 
with no Jeeves in sight?
THE GOOD GIRL  :|
The message, that life
is bland, unfortunately
makes a bland movie.
HORSEY  :(
All the characters 
pronounced sorry as sorey,
over and over.
ONE HOUR PHOTO  :)
It fools you into 
imagining extra scenes. 
Two movies in one!
LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS  (1986) %}
Martin's dentist song
remains one of the best film 
scenes in history.
NO SUCH THING  :)
All style, some substance,
but we learned there's no such thing
as a conclusion.
THE BOURNE IDENTITY  :)
Ah, what a relief --
a thriller with good acting
and no slow motion!
FULL FRONTAL  :)
A story around
a play within a movie,
and so on. But why?
GOLDMEMBER  :)
I laughed till I cried,
then suffered a terrible
smelting accident.
MEN IN BLACK II  :(
Quick, somebody who 
can make me forget this film
neuralize me now!
SPLENDOR  :)
A non-typical
alternative romance with
predictable end.
MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING  :)
My big fat romance
disguised as a really long
Windex commercial.
REIGN OF FIRE  :)
An ancient plot line
returns to wreak destruction, 
but the film hangs on. 
THREESOME  :)
Guy loves girl, girl loves
other guy, other guy loves
first guy, and so on.
MINORITY REPORT  :)
"Thinky" movies should
not demand that you ignore 
"cartoony" physics.
CORKY ROMANO :|
Some very funny
moments - if you like Kattan -
and don't expect much.
NOVOCAINE :|
Steve plays a dentist?
Little Shop of Horrors is
a much better film.
DAZED AND CONFUSED  :)
Nostalgia dazed me
but the paddles confused me.
I don't recall them.
BANDITS  :)
A modern version
of Butch Cassidy mixed with 
that film called F/X.
CHANGING LANES   :|
Nice acting, subplots,
character development.
Missing something though.
SPIDER-MAN  %}
Is he strong? Listen, 
bud, he's got... genetically 
re-engineered blood!
ICE AGE  :)
Great animation, 
strange anthropomorphisms. 
That sloth sure was fast.
MONSOON WEDDING  :)
A pan-cultural 
curry of languages, love, 
music, and dancing.
LIFE OR SOMETHING LIKE IT  :|
Yet another film 
that tells us to enjoy life
before it's over.
VAN WILDER  :(
A bland plot spiked 
with Jim Carrey wannabes. 
Second-rate teen raunch.
PANIC ROOM  :|
Jodie Foster turned 
down Hannibal, now she hides 
from the Three Stooges.
KISSING JESSICA STEIN  :)
Like Ally McBeal, 
with less hallucinating 
and better acting.
GHOST WORLD  :)
Some viewing advice: 
don't waste your time wondering 
what the title means.
THE 74TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS  :|
A Beautiful Mind
is a terrible movie 
to waste on Oscars.
A BEAUTIFUL MIND  :|
Hollywood can't film 
real life, but my proof won't fit 
within this haiku.
SHOWTIME  :|
Even though these guys 
are famous, they don't come close 
to Super Troopers .
DOGS: THE RISE AND FALL OF AN ALL GIRL BOOKIE JOINT  :|
Novel shower scenes 
and interesting characters 
gamble with bad sound.
8½ WOMEN  :|
After dozing off, 
I woke and found the movie 
weirder than my dreams.
QUEEN OF THE DAMNED  :|
Oh no! Vampire Goths 
run amok! Can we be saved 
by Vampire Hippies?
SUPER TROOPERS  %}
Real trooper humor, 
with sexy German thieves and -- 
Afghanimation!
BLACK HAWK DOWN  :|
Maybe Ridley Scott 
meant to give the audience 
raw battle fatigue.
THE SURE THING  :|
An 80's romance 
about how a complete jerk 
picks up a nice girl.
GOSFORD PARK  :)
Lots of characters, 
concurrent conversations, 
masterpiece theatre!
KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE :|
Lots of panty shots... 
Japanese animators 
really creep me out.
THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS  :)
As families go, 
This movie is just a slight 
exaggeration.
AMÉLIE  %}
Want a romantic 
comedy set in Paris? 
Let the French do it!
THE LORD OF THE RINGS 
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING  :)
Wonderful settings 
and stunning deviations 
from Tolkien's story.

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