Movies reviewed in 1999
| :(
Didn't like it. |
:|
Okay. |
| :)
Liked it. |
%}
Loved it! |
|
GALAXY QUEST %}
If I commanded
a spaceship I wouldn't go
back to Earth so soon. |
CITY OF LOST CHILDREN :)
A very orange film,
worth watching just to follow
the bionic fleas. |
SLEEPY HOLLOW :(
I don't care if he
has to talk out of his neck;
give Walken some lines! |
TOY STORY 2 :)
Great scene, toys fighting
rats in the junkyard -- oh, wait,
that's Toy Story 3. |
TOY STORY :)
might have been better
if the animated kids
were heard but not screened. |
SOUTH PARK BIGGER,
LONGER & UNCUT :)
Bad animation,
bad language, and bad songs too.
All in all, not bad. |
SHIRLEY VALENTINE %}
Shirley talks to walls,
to rocks, and as it happens,
to the rest of us. |
DOGMA :)
A little preachy;
managed to deliver us
from ho hum acting. |
THE LATHE OF HEAVEN %}
I dreamt the music
left this great movie alone,
but then I woke up. |
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH %}
Wonderful displays
of recursive puppetry,
just like surreal life. |
THE PRINCESS BRIDE %}
A rare example --
the film's as good as the book!
(Now go read the book.) |
RUSHMORE %}
The Graduate turns
himself inside out and breaks
his nose several times. |
BRINGING OUT THE DEAD :)
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll
wish you die rather than get
treated in New York. |
WAKING NED DEVINE :)
Call me a cynic
but inflation's going to
tear that town apart. |
AMERICAN BEAUTY :)
For Christmas I want
a nude girl on my ceiling,
dropping rose petals. |
PLUNKETT & MACLEANE :|
The definition
of "gentleman" is twisted
beyond all reason. |
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY %}
Blondie's hair is brown,
so it's The Bad, the Ugly,
and Dirty Hairy. |
THE SIXTH SENSE %}
One of those movies
I'd have rather seen before
I saw the preview. |
THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR (1968) :(
Crown travels forward
through time to steal the chess scene
from Austin Powers. |
DEAD PRESIDENTS :(
Plot: two producers
manage to bring Viet Nam's
gore back to Brooklyn. |
EYES WIDE SHUT %}
That does it, no more
masquerade orgies for me.
I have been scared straight. |
OUTSIDE PROVIDENCE :|
Don't believe the hype,
this "outrageous comedy"
is simply drama. |
FOXFIRE :)
a feminist twist:
spaghetti western story
mixed with highschool angst. |
THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING %}
"The unbearable
lengthiness of film," some say,
but -- so's this haiku and it's pretty good. |
BLAST FROM THE PAST :)
Will 35 years
of swing dance and French lessons
finally pay off? |
FANTASTIC PLANET :)
A calm adventure
in an alien dream world
that's really our own. |
MYSTERY MEN %}
convinces us that
super heroes are just folks
with shovels and forks. |
DICK :)
convinces us that
adults are just teenagers
with power and bucks. |
THE IRON GIANT %}
Y'know, if Disney
made this, we'd have yet one more
stupid musical. |
THE VISITORS %}
A French comedy
with lots of plot and slapstick,
and time travel, too! |
AMERICAN PIE :)
Rated R: No one
over 17 allowed
without teenager. |
WILDE :)
Who is perverted?
the man who loves another,
or those who jail him? |
AN IDEAL HUSBAND %}
Old ladies sitting
behind us praised the teeth of
the antagonist. |
NEVER CRY WOLF %}
He made a mistake:
when researching wolves' diets,
you should eat mice raw. |
AUSTIN POWERS THE SPY
WHO SHAGGED ME (again) %}
As Star Wars movies
go, this one fared better than
The Phantom Menace. |
REEFER MADNESS :(
Good argument for
legalization of pot.
And gun control laws. |
AUSTIN POWERS THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME %}
We really did think
this was a fantastic film.
But we're fanatics. |
THE THIRTEENTH
FLOOR %}
Vacate your other
virtual reality
and go see this film. |
THE COURT
JESTER %}
The princess bride of
old Danny Kay musicals.
Get it? Got it? Good! |
INDEPENDENCE DAY :|
Lucky for us we
have drunk fighter pilots and
alien Mac geeks. |
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM :)
Unfortunately
all the wood's a stage. at least
in this film it is. |
STAR WARS THE PHANTOM
MENACE :(
I sense the dark side
of action toy marketing
and computer games. |
COOKIE'S FORTUNE :)
Wrenched stereotypes,
dropped subplots, and a quiz in
genealogy. |
SIRENS %}
A deacon, his wife,
The Serpent, and naked Nell
from Ally McBeal! |
NEVER BEEN KISSED :)
A highschool remake
of Ever After, with the
same Cinderella! |
THE MATRIX :)
FX saved the bad
kung fu fairy tale twist on
80's Cyber Punk |
AIRPLANE! %}
"Surely you are not
critiquing this!" "I am -- and
don't call me Shirly." |
ED TV :)
Ya think Ron Howard
wants to make us feel sorry
-- for famous people? |
WING COMMANDER :|
New law of physics:
As momentum disappears
so do the medics. |
REPO MAN %}
Apparently, the
old car trunk contains the box
from Kiss Me Deadly. |
MY FAVORITE MARTIAN :)
When you eat someone
whole, you should burst, or at least
display some remorse. |
PULP FICTION :)
The plot device was
transferred from Repo Man's trunk
to a small briefcase. |
THE
HIDDEN :)
Wow, what a great thrill!
(not counting the Spielberg part
that messed up the end.) |
BUCKAROO BANZAI %}
The Adventures of
Buckaroo Banzai: Across
the Eighth Dimension! |
GROUNDHOG DAY %}
You will want to see
this movie several times.
Uh, sorry -- bad joke. |
EVEREST :|
Scarce IMAX footage --
"The Making of Everest"
was a better film. |
SHAKESPEARE IN
LOVE %}
Laugh as Will Shaksper
uses love to find labor
losing Juliet. |
FREE
WILLY :(
The whale's dorsal fin
drooped permanently because
his pool was too hot. |
HEAD %}
Hey hey, these Monkees,
they don't monkey around, they
have something to say. |
PATCH
ADAMS :|
Other animals
that kill their own species:
lions, chimps, dogs, ants. |
ELIZABETH :)
If I have to see
yet another longing look
from Lord What's His Face... |