just in time for orcmash
J: A Happy
Orcmash and Merry Goo to all of you!
For the Xmash holidays, Gina went to Florida, Lori covered Greenbelt,
and I visited Chris in Philly. We all had our own good times, and now
we're back together again.
We'll have some Jomsviking reunion pictures up next week; stay tuned!
season's eatings
J: Well, it's that time of the
year again, when the Xmash Orcs sneak into your house and leave
presents badly wrapped in brown paper bags. If you're lucky they don't
wreck the place or break something, or spell your name incorrectly.
Maybe if you "accidentally" leave out some orc food for them they won't
get too rowdy. Whatever you do, don't act like you wanted them to visit
or liked their presents - then they'll surely break something next time.
Many years ago, along with their plagues of presents, the orcs brought
me this weird concept of "orc food" - food that is dark, bitter,
strangely textured, or perhaps has all these qualities. I like orc food
because it's often tasty, and even when it's not so tasty it's fun to
pretend I'm an orc, eating something horrible and enjoying it.
Here is a small orc food sampler, including many of my favorites. Enjoy!
- Appetizers: nori
wrapped around mushed avocado, vegemite or marmite
on dark crackers, black olives, dried veggie meat strips.
- Breakfast: undercooked oat gruel with walnuts and molasses.
- Lunch: a greasy cooked sandwich (featuring black
pumpernickel bread, avocado, and sauerkraut), a bowl of boiled lentils.
- Dinner: baked potato with blackened skin, mystery stew,
beefsteak mushrooms, black bean soup (mix all of these together for a
real treat).
- Condiments: soy sauce, blackstrap molasses, ground pepper.
- Drink: Guinness, Turkish coffee, prune juice.
- Fruit: pomegranates, dates, figs.
- Dessert: burnt cookies, brown rice pudding with extra
raisins, dark brownie (covered in chocolate syrup or molasses and
mushed up with a fork).
My menu is vegan (for us humane orcs, ha ha) and doesn't contain
popular fleshy orc foods like lamb, duck, smoked eels, caviar, live
cicadas, and soft shell crabs.
I haven't tried vegemite yet, but I imagine it would be a fine orc
food. I can vouch for all the others; they're delicious.
Most orc food is surprisingly good for you - especially if you're an
orc.
:-j
