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John and a Razor, Gina
and a Deer
J: Here's something
that's been bothering me:
About 25 years ago,
give or take a few years, Saturday Night Live aired one of its first
fake commercials. This particular commercial was a masterpiece -- it
copied the look and feel of real commercials for similar products. It
was designed to fool a lot of people and I'm fairly sure it did.
The
commercial was about a new kind of razor, a razor with three blades
instead of one or two. It shows a guy, obviously elated because he's a
hunk who's about to get a real close shave. Then, while the hunk
shaves, cut to a simple animation, and the narrator describes how the
first blade pulls the hair out a little, and the second blade pulls it
out a little more, and the third blade cuts it off just this side of
the root. Then back to to the happy hunk, admiring himself in the
mirror, while the tag line and narrator both tell us, "The Gillette
Trac III. Because Americans will buy
anything." It was a funny commercial, and I laughed and thought
what a crazy world that would be, if three-bladed razors were
advertised and people were dumb enough to buy them.
Well, here we are in that crazy world. I got chills when I saw the first commercials -- serious,
in-your-face, "this is a three-bladed razor and it really works great
and you're a moron so buy it" commercials. Of course I didn't buy them,
and I thanked Saturday Night Live for the lesson.
But the three-bladed razor isn't what's really bothering me. Rumors of
a four-bladed razor don't bother me either. The SNL commercial wasn't
about either of those, and it wasn't even predicting those insane
products (on purpose, at least). What the commercial was telling us,
point blank, was that double edged razors are stupid. They don't work
any better than single edged razors. Americans watched the real
commercials, hardly questioning the magical blades that know how to
pull and cut. Americans bought into the whole multi-blade deal because Americans will buy anything.
This is what really bothers me: For the past 25 years I missed the real
lesson. For almost 15 of those years I shaved with double bladed
razors, numbly ignoring the SNL message. What other stupid
products have I bought into, that I am still unaware of? That's what's bothering me. I've
become as hypnotized as everyone else.
I went to a bar yesterday, and in between sips of my beer and
conversation, I stared at a TV. I saw a commercial for a grater, one
that moves up and down for you while you hold it against your cheese or
carrot, so you don't have to do that pesky up and down motion by hand.
People will buy this thing. It won't grate cheese any better, indeed,
while I watched the commercial, it looked like it performed worse than
a "manual" grater. But people are going to buy it, because the
commercial tells them it's new and nifty. Yet one more example of value
added marketing's contribution to blind consumerism.
After my drink at the bar I went to the restroom, and while I washed my
hands in the sink with
the automatic faucet, I fondly recalled the good old days, when one
could control both the temperature and
pressure of the faucet in a public restroom. In
these modern times we accept the temperatures and pressures of all
sorts of crap, because we're told it's new crap, easy to use, more
hygienic, blah blah. We accept these claims because we've been
taught to buy anything.
All is not lost, of
course. I shave with a single
blade now, and I've realized it's even better than the double bladed
razor, at least for me. With two blades, hair from my stubble gets
stuck between the blades, and it takes longer to clean the clog out so
I
can continue shaving. Cleaning a single is much quicker, and so is my
shave. I usually take a break on weekends and grow a John Belushi
shadow. Thanks again, Saturday Night Live!
G: So, I went to the
Greenbelt Community Center on Saturday to sell pottery at the Festival
of Lights Craft Fair that happens every year. I made a few trades of
pottery for things from other crafters, and did throwing demos. We had
so much pottery, mostly because Jessica's husband Mark Gitlis has been
busy in his home studio, that we had both a double booth in the gym,
and the upstairs shelves outside the pottery studio covered with pots
too. We'll be having sales
every Sunday until Xmash too, from 1 to 4pm.
On Saturday night we went over to Jacob's to help brainstorm for Kory's
party game. Jacob fed us a nice dinner and then we played a round - I
won! Then we worked on it for several hours, but it was fun.
On Sunday I did more craft fair stuff, but took a break to have lunch
at the New Deal with John. Mike McMullin was there and asked if I had
any artwork I
wanted to put in a group show, the December artist fell through so they
were inviting locals to put in one piece each. I went and dug up
something that's been hanging around the house for a while and it's
hanging over the coffee stand now.
On Monday I went shopping for some winter boots. I tried every store in
Beltway plaza, but I have yet to find a boot that isn't leather, has no
heel, and is warm and comfortable. Sigh.
Tuesday was a dramatic day. I took Booda on our regular walk, we were
in the woods, maybe where we shouldn't exactly be. Booda was sniffing
eagerly about 40 feet from me, and then, just about 15 feet past him, a
deer stood up from where it was laying. It looked ready to run as it
watched Booda sniff around, and I tried calling Booda back toward me. I
didn't want to approach and spook the deer into running, and Booda
hadn't noticed it yet. Then I saw that the leg the deer was holding up
in what I thought was preparation to run was actually broken! I
couldn't get Booda to come back, and then he saw. He froze, they stared
at each other. Booda lunged, the deer kicked back with its good leg and
they took off.
Normally a deer can easily outrun Booda and he soon turns around and
comes back. But he was right with this poor deer, running really fast
with its broken leg flapping. They were soon out of sight and I spent
at least 20 minutes running through the woods calling for Booda,
screaming for Booda, worrying that I
might break a leg, and feeling
very sad for the deer. For all I knew they could be miles away, or
Booda could be gnawing on half dead deer somewhere. Finally I
thought I heard one bark. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but
it wasn't far. But I still didn't find him for several more minutes
until he started barking some more. I thought he was lost and looking
for me, and I ran over snow covered brambles toward a swampy area. I
still didn't see him, but then I saw the deer, standing in a foot or so
of water amid the cattails and reeds. Then I saw Booda a few feet away.
Either the deer turned to face him and Booda wouldn't chase it unless
it ran, or Booda wouldn't go that deep into the water. He
wasn't barking for me, he was barking at the deer. So I was able to
catch him. I had to leave the poor deer there and drag Booda home. I
stopped at Joe and Renata's, hoping they would know what could be done,
but they weren't home. Someone I didn't know was there, and he said
he'd pass the message on. I
told Renata all about it later, and she said she thought she heard
gunshots
in the area, I can only hope that someone put the deer out of its
misery.
I got home and left to meet a bunch of people at a restaurant for a
birthday lunch for Terri Aquino. I was a bit late, but I saw Rich right
behind me on the way. He was talking on the phone AND writing in his
palm pilot as he drove. Crazy clown. We got there and found we weren't
exactly late, since Izolda hadn't arrived with Terri yet. It was a
suprise for her, so she didn't know enough to hurry to meet us there at
noon. John, Anja, and Dorian were there already, Amethyst arrived soon
after. Some people started eating (it was an Indian buffet) since they
had been waiting so long, and Izolda and Terri came around 12:20. We
had a nice time, then I went to Kmart to look for boots (no luck) and
then to the studio.
Later that day there
was an earthquake!
I was standing in the
studio when the building began to shake a little. Another person was
there, Margaret, and I said, "Was that an earthquake?" It could
have been, but it also could have been something very heavy moving
through the building, stomping or something. The women across the hall
were wondering about it too. I went downstairs and asked Judith at the
front desk if she felt anything. She said she didn't notice anything,
then another person, Cathy, said she thought she heard something. She
also said
she saw a bunch of kids running down the hall, and for a while I
thought that was the cause. Then Judith called up to the studio to say
she just heard on the radio there was an earthquake.
I called John at work and asked him if he knew we had an earthquake. He
said, "I thought I felt something! I thought someone was either moving
a large piece of equipment, or that a truck had hit the building."
When I got home there was a message from my brother Grant who lives in
Virginia and was at his office at Sweet Briar College when it
hit. He said his bookcase was teetering, and he ran outside and
it sounded like a jet but the noise was coming from everywhere.
It was pretty cool, no one got hurt and there wasn't any damage. Did you feel it?
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THE HEAP
where we wade the web
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wilde:
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